it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
