I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
