It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
