I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
