his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
