You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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