im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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