i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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