trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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