I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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