How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
