And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
