she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
