thus making me awesome and them whores
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
