New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
