Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
