our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
