sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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