D3 body, D1 cock
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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