when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
