Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
