My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
