PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
