he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
