put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
