It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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