I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
