I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
