I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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