I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
