I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
