watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
