you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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