Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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