I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
