WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
