I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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