Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
