No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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