my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
