i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I would ride that face into the sunset
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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