What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
