Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
