I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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