All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
