Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
