I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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