Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
