I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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