when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
