the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
