tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
