You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
