Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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